plz_gtfo_dragon

Funny. Last time that happened I was utterly relieved to even hear from my old enemies. This time I really didn't feel like I had the energy for it all.

I'm afraid somehow over the last year, the only people I much care to hear from have become fellow residents here, and that thought is not even close to being as depressing as it should be.

[Friends filter (if you think you're on it you are <3)]

Did you hear from anyone important?

[Video clicks on, and there, in a tailored couture lime green suit, sits Lady Ga-- Valmont. She's carefully made up, and looking highly amused by all of this.]

I am bookmarking this flood. It's going in my diary, and once it's done, I'm going to go back and watch these posts just over and over, because you are all just absolutely precious right now.

New breasts, new hair, new hormones... it's kind of like you all just hit puberty at once. I like it.

[She tosses her hair, and sits back, lifting a cup of tea which she had waiting on the desk.]

By the way, I don't know why I didn't ask this months ago, but does anyone here fight? And I don't mean fight as in: getting into random street brawls, I'm talking about formal martial arts training in any discipline? I've had nine months of nothing but practicing my Kata and getting beaten up by my warden, and I'm thinking I might like to mix that up somewhat...



[OOC: Valmont can see that people are changing and knows that the flood's going on, buuuuut since she doesn't remember ever being a dude, she assumes that she's just unaffected.]

[Valmont stands in front of the camera, and at the same time, he doesn't. The sorcerers robe, (which up to this point has been long retired due to some seriously singed sleeves) has been repaired, and he wears it with a formal certainty which Valmont rarely displays. His eyes glow crimson.]

The year has changed. [He tilts his head back slightly, expression bleeding arrogance.] I have resided here for a full year, as neither warden nor inmate, as imprisoned by this pretense of transformation as any one of you, but without any true promise of freedom at the end of it.

For those of you who's notice I have yet evaded, I am Shendu, the Demon Sorcerer of Fire, and ruler of all China.

[Shendu smiles, and as if on cue, the room fills with dark figures, bleeding forward from the shadows to surround him.]

Though it's a title that enough of you have dared to scoff at in the past, I happen to be feeling quite magnanimous right now. To alleviate any lingering doubts about my power as a ruler, I've decided to provide a demonstration for you all.

[And those ninjas you can see surrounding Shendu? Well, they're now surrounding literally everyone else. Ninjas everywhere guys.

Everywhere]

There will be no more redemption. No more division between wardens or inmates. No more punishments, no more confinement, no more files. They will all be destroyed. All meaningless. The only law will be mine. You will serve me willingly, and I will give you a better life than any warden can promise for your obedience. Resist? And you will linger in the dungeon, for the infinity of time which we are destined to share here.

[He's still smiling, but the expression he wears is thoroughly unpleasant.]

Let me be clear about this, Barge, I do not require your compliance in any way. I do not need your obedience and servitude in order to take this vessel and make it my own. I have taken it while you slept. It is mine already. Giving you the opportunity to serve me is an act of mercy.

The year has changed, oh damned souls and misplaced heroes. It is a new era.

I would advise you to welcome it's embrace.



[ooc: And The Brief and Irritating Reign of Shendu is a go! As always, the plotting post is still open for last minute schemings, and feel free to contact me with any questions, problems, or threads you want to do with this jerk!

ETA: Bonus open log for those thrown into level zero over here!]

Warden! I require you to deliver my talismans to me!

[Pause]

I see that others are haunted now with old wounds, and the faces of lost friends. So perhaps what afflicts us all shall pass soon. That said, in my current circumstances, to leave such things to chance may be fatal. So please resist the urge to inform me that this is a flood and that it will be over soon.

It's strange, the things this place does to us. It seems like it gets us into this mindset where we're all perpetually waiting for the other shoe to drop. This has been a good week. So naturally, now everyone's pensive or philosophical or suspicious, because we're all expecting the world to just twist around and cosmically balance out by doing something terrible to us all.

And why shouldn't we expect that? I suppose the only reason most of us are here in the first place is because Karma eventually caught up with us, one way or another.

Still, [He gives a happy little sigh, and there might just be a slight clinking of glasses in the background.] It's been a good week. And if we're all expecting it to end at any minute, then all the more reason to enjoy this while it lasts.

In the spirit of which, I don't suppose anyone would be interested in joining me for a glass of wine on the deck? I'm finding myself in the mood for fresh air, good company, and a bottle of Merlot.



[ooc: SADLY, I am probably only going to be around to rp in any real quantity today, and from tuesday onwards when I'm back in uni, so I'll probably only really be contributing Valmont to this event. But... he needs the CR the most, so feel free to harrass, comment, or spam at will! This is Valmont: Relaxed and sociable edition, and Shendu: Minds his own business edition.]

I don't suppose that anyone has a calendar? I really need to start keeping track of how long I've been here, and I don't much feel like scratching tally's into my doorframe.

[Valmont lets out a mildly irritated sigh.]

I know this sounds obvious, but I really abhor being in prison. Yes, yes, I know some people get institutionalized and join gangs and what have you, but I've never been in one long enough to settle in, as it were. I just find places like this utterly frustrating.

[Why is he saying all of this? He's just finally bored and isolated enough that he actively wants some human contact outside of Iroh.]

Honestly, I thought getting possessed was hitting rock bottom in terms of productivity, but at least I still had my enforcers around, at least I was still doing something, I still had something to aim for. Here? It's just the same repetitive, pointless tasks every single day.

[Contemptuous snort.]

The only thing that hasn't gone into decline since I got here is my sex life, and I'm quite sure if that had any further to fall then it would have done.

[PAUUUUUUSE. OH GOD DID HE JUST SAY THAT? WHY WOULD HE SAY THAT? HE DIDN'T MEAN TO SAY THAT! QUICK, DISTRACT PEOPLE FROM IT! Valmont's voice has suddenly jerked up a few octaves, and is suddenly, deliberately, distractingly chipper:]

Could I interest anyone here in a game of chess? Or...[GOD WHAT DO PEOPLE LIKE TO PLAY? Not monopoly, too evil.] ...Scrabble?

[Video clicks on, and you haveeee... Valmont! No glowing red eyes, no evil dragony possession voice, apparently Shendu isn't paying attention. He is still wearing the dress though. Because he still hasn't won that battle. He's just sitting at a rather expensive looking mahogany desk, apparently making notes.]

So, If I recall correctly, this month was kicked off by widespread possession by Aztec gods... [Is that a tiny smirk you see on his face? Surely not.] ...followed shortly thereafter by mass sacrifices, while we were in recovery from which, a man went on a killing spree, there was some kind of plague unleashed, and people began... well, conventional logic says they were all seized by some description of madness, but considering the track record here, perhaps they were afflicted by further bouts of possession. [Tee hee, everyone should suffer as I suffer!]

All of this was rounded off by the culprit setting himself on fire, before the lot of you were dropped into a four day marathon of Home and Away, please, do stop me if I'm missing anything here?

[And now he is definitely smirking, because hey, he doesn't remember the last time he could really appreciate a bit of schadenfreude without being reminded that demonic possession basically trumps most other bad things that happen to people. He raises his eyebrows, being deliberately, and pointedly innocent.]

So... busy month?